


General Insanity

by shatteredgod



Series: Kuroko no Basket The Musical [4]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Akashi has his psychotic break, EPIC RAP BATTLE, M/M, MomoixKagami and AominexKagami are mentionned only to sass the hell out of Kagami, Yeah Aomine and Kagami are basketsexuel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 17:23:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10518369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shatteredgod/pseuds/shatteredgod
Summary: The following is a non-profit fan-based parody.Kuroko no basuke and the following songs all belong to their respective owners.Please support the official release.





	1. Cast of Kuroko no Basket

**Author's Note:**

> The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. 
> 
> Kuroko no basuke and the following songs all belong to their respective owners.
> 
> Please support the official release.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWnDwM0RSX4&list=PL7Ny4et65g6fuqNwbk0gafGWz7ekheXgR&index=1](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWnDwM0RSX4&list=PL7Ny4et65g6fuqNwbk0gafGWz7ekheXgR&index=1)  (Link for the playlist)

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWnDwM0RSX4> (Link for the song)

 

_(Ahomine VS Bakagami)_

 

Way back in days of old

There was a legend told

About a player known as Kagami

 

Square jaw and weird red hair

Muscles out to there

There was no player quite like Kagami

 

Tough, plus every other manly value

Mess with him and he will dunk you

Yay, he ruled in every way

A shonen-jump cliche

And people called him Kagami

 

The guy we're speaking of,

He had a basket love

This round object, she was one fair ball

Long stripes and perfect weight

A curve built for aim

A size you could hold with two whole hands

Ah, true love was never this ecstatic

Nor as wildly acrobatic

Yes! He practiced to excess

Thrice daily more or less

And over her was written, "Kagami!"

 

One tiny problem soon would arise:

Aomine, a nearby Ace of slack and bad posture,

He watched the basket ball, lust in his eyes,

And he asked him for the ball

Well, more like a demand,

Well, more like he managed to snatch her

 

Which brings us to today

The duel playing day

No one can win it now but Kagami

Poor basket ball awaits

In Ace Aomine's hands

For the arrival of her Kagami

 

Now, at last, begins our true adventure

Epic, wild, a real butt-clencher!

So, huzzah and tally ho!

Sit back and here we go!

Attend the tale of Kagami


	2. The Tale of the Generation of Miracles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. 
> 
> Kuroko no basuke and the following songs all belong to their respective owners.
> 
> Please support the official release.
> 
> References to other works too (including but not limited to Arrow, Supernatural and Batman) that do not belong to us either. Kudos if you see them though!

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GI6CfKcMhjY> (Link for the song)

 

_(Intersideral troll)_

 

**Kuroko** : Guys, Akashi Seijuro is here

**Midorima:** Oh great, put the scissors away

**Akashi:**  Hey guys.

**GoM:** Hey, hi, thanks for coming

**Akashi** : Sorry I'm late, I got caught up watching a Criminal Minds marathon. Have you seen this thing?

**GoM** : Oh n...I mean oh yeah, those are...those are great...

**Akashi:** Well, I checked out the track and I loved it. And I wrote you this big murder plan I think you're gonna really dig.

**Aomine:** Oh fuck...huh... that's great, awesome. Should we just think about it or...?

**Akashi:** Boys, let's get to it.

(to it to it)

 

**Midorima** : Here we go

Ungh, Generation of Miracles, Akashi Seijuro

**Akashi:** Yeaaahh!

**Takao:** The game starts now

**Midorima:** Together on the track, the boys are back

**Takao:** The match starts now

**Midorima:** Match starts now come play with us, balls are rebounding on the floor when we dribble' up.

**Akashi:** Dribble' up

**Murasakibara:** Shoot through the hook ain't no holdin' up

**Akashi:** Yeah

**Aomine:** Got a fault like I give a fuck.

**Akashi:** Come on

**Kise:** Everyone look when we walk into the set, fuck the fellas looking jealous play the back and get wet

**Akashi:** Yeah yeah

**Kise:** One pound in my hands, readying the shot, you either get passed, get dunked or get blocked.

 

**Akashi:** This is the tale of the best Emperor, ruler so great of the whole wide world

**Kuroko:** What?

**Akashi:** A mysterious crime in an ancient mansion, walls all covered with blood's splash

 

**Kise:** Yeah that was kinda weird, but we're back in the game

Shooting up the ball and the groupies show us love

**Akashi:** Cold murderer

**Aomine:** Motherfucking Ace-man, I'm the top player

Heater on blast, I'm the number one stunner

**Akashi:** Dead victim

**Kagami:** Watch it boy cause I ain't your "Mr. Nice Guy",

More like the "I’m gonna steal your ball and dunk you twice guy"

**Akashi:** Yeah Yeah!

**Kagami:** All blocked up with nowhere to run,

And now I make you feel crazy with the-

 

**Akashi:** Now back to the good part

From the day he was born, he yearned for murder

**Midorima:** No!

**Akashi:** Young Emperor is giving them what for.

He's the ruler of the world

**Murasakibara:** Uh huh

**Akashi:** The king of Japan

**Kise:** Oh God

**Akashi:** But in the profile, what lies in store?

**Kagami:** Yeah, we've seen the show

 

**Kuroko:** Throw the ball in the air and say hell yeah, come on

**Akashi:** Emperor

**Takao:** What?

**Akashi:** Golden Eye

**Kuroko:** No

From the front to the back say we go count points come on

**Akashi:** Shogi master

**Kise:** Nope

**Akashi:** Metal scissors

**Kagami:** Wrong

**Kuroko:** Akashi Seijuro we're really gonna need you to focus up

 

**Akashi:** Roger that let me try it with another show

**Midorima:** Wait-

**Akashi:** Life is a bunch of angsty feels and my name’s Oliver Queen

**Aomine:** Not better

**Akashi:** Though I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, I give Star City all my love

**Takao:** Come on!

**Akashi:** Ok then I'm a monster hunter, Dean Winchester is my name

**Midorima:** No, God

**Akashi:** Then you can call me Joker, cutting people up with scissors

**Murasakibara:** Close enough

**Akashi:** You cockroaches wanna play rough? Okay, I'm reloaded

This is the tale of the best Emperor

This is the tale

Japanese might, with the Tokyo nuts

**Kuroko:** Take it home!

**Akashi:** Got a basket  ball, but her curve is real’ damaged this whole team is crap, just waiting to get scored! Just waiting to get scored!

**Kagami:** Ooookay, turns out Akashi Seijuro is a major psychopathe

**Akashi:** You complete me!

**GoM:** Yup, yeah, ok...?

 


	3. Kings of basket

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. 
> 
> Kuroko no basuke and the following songs all belong to their respective owners.
> 
> Please support the official release.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWnDwM0RSX4&list=PL7Ny4et65g6fuqNwbk0gafGWz7ekheXgR&index=1](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWnDwM0RSX4&list=PL7Ny4et65g6fuqNwbk0gafGWz7ekheXgR&index=1)  (Link for the playlist)

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwJPDtR2IAo&t=4s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwJPDtR2IAo&t=4s) (Link for the song)

 

_(Lillte praise to the Uncrowned kings)_

 

**Uncrowned Kings:** We're cool and awesome players

As hard and tough as brass

By far, the fearsomest players

To ever catch a pass

**Hanamiya:** We lay traps here

**Hayama:** And dribble there

**Nebuya:** We shoot from dusk till dawn

**Uncrowned Kings:** We catch the ball and slam the dunk

**Reo:** Then gather for drinks on the lawn

 

**Uncrowned Kings:** We're the kings of basket

**Kiyoshi:** Except we aren't kings

**Uncrowned Kings:** We're the kings of basket

**Kiyoshi:** Just not the actual kings

**Uncrowned Kings:** Arrgh!

 

**Hayama:** Now how we ended up here

'Tis a dire and dreadful tale

**Nebuya:** The kind to leave the meanest dude

A-pukin' o'er the court

**Reo:** So fateful, so accursed

**Hanamiya:** Such a stroke of evil luck

**Uncrowned Kings:** Our team was overshadowed by the Miracles

**Kiyoshi:** And, hey, I guess it's sad

 

**Uncrowned Kings:** So now we hold the ball here

By brutal, violent force

**Hayama:** We've also joined Rakuzan

**Nebuya:** Great idea

**Reo :** Yeah right

**Uncrowned Kings:** We make you play to cross our way

And dunk ya till it hurts!

**Hanamiya:** And on the side, they sell their soul

to the little red-haired bitch

**Uncrowned Kings:** We're the kings of basket

**Kiyoshi:** Though, technically, uncrowned kings

**Uncrowned Kings:** We're the kings of basket

Or sort of, of basket!


	4. Model Guy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. 
> 
> Kuroko no basuke and the following songs all belong to their respective owners.
> 
> Please support the official release.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWnDwM0RSX4&list=PL7Ny4et65g6fuqNwbk0gafGWz7ekheXgR&index=1](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWnDwM0RSX4&list=PL7Ny4et65g6fuqNwbk0gafGWz7ekheXgR&index=1)  (Link for the playlist)

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v35fWf1CWFQ> (Link for the song)

 

_(A little troll about our favorite model and the one who is brave enough to support him)_

 

**Kasamatsu:** Hi, Kise

**Kise:** Hi, Senpai!

**Kasamatsu:** You better be up for a game!

**Kise:** Sure, Senpai!

**Kasamatsu:** Jump in...

 

**Kise:** I'm a model guy the best in the world

Basket player, it's fantastic!

I always brush my hair, I’m dressed up everywhere

Imagination, the game is my creation

 

**Kasamatsu:** Come on, Kise, dunk that basket!

 

**Kise:** I'm a model guy the best in the world

Basket player, it's fantastic!

I always brush my hair, I’m dressed up everywhere

Imagination, the game is my creation

 

**Kise:** I'm a blond perfect guy in a shonen jump world

Train me up, make me shine, I'm your Ace

 

**Kasamatsu:** You're our Ace, guide the pace, drop the yellow glamour,

Score it here, dunk it there, better hurry

 

**Kise:** I can copy, I can play, if you say, "I’m always yours."

(uu-oooh-u)

 

**Kise:** I'm a model guy the best in the world

Basket player, it's fantastic!

I always brush my hair, I’m dressed up everywhere

Imagination, the game is my creation

 

**Kasamatsu:** Come on, Kise, keep focusing!

**Kise:** ah-ah-ah-yeah

**Kasamatsu:** Come on, Kise, stop bragging!

**Kise:** uu-oooh-u _[2x]_

**Kasamatsu:** Come on, Kise, shut your mouth!

**Kise:** ah-ah-ah-yeah

**Kasamatsu:** Come on, Kise, stop cruising!

**Kise:** uu-oooh-u _[2x]_

 

**Kise:** Make me play, make me play, do whatever you please

I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees

 

**Kasamatsu:** Come jump in, copycat, let us do it again,

Hit the court, fool around, play basket

 

**Kise:** I can copy, I can play, if you say, "I’m always yours."

I can copy, I can play, if you say, "I’m always yours."

 

**Kasamatsu:** Come on, Kise, let's go copy!

**Kise:** ah-ah-ah-yeah

**Kasamatsu:** Come on, Kise, you’re annoying!

**Kise:** uu-oooh-u _[2x]_

**Kasamatsu:** Come on, Kise, keep scoring!

**Kise:** ah-ah-ah-yeah

**Kasamatsu:** Come on, Kise, stop crying!

**Kise:** uu-oooh-u _[2x]_

 

**Kise:** I'm a model guy the best in the world

Basket player, it's fantastic!

I always brush my hair, I’m dressed up everywhere

Imagination, the game is my creation

x2

 

**Kasamatsu:** Come on, Kise, let's play basket!

**Kise:** ah-ah-ah-yeah

**Kasamatsu:** Come on, Kise, you stupid fool!

**Kise:** uu-oooh-u _[2x]_

**Kasamatsu:** Come on, Kise, get in the zone!

**Kise:** ah-ah-ah-yeah

**Kasamatsu:** Come on, Kise, let's go win!

**Kise:** uu-oooh-u _[2x]_

 

**KIse:** Oh, I'm having so much fun!

**Kasamatsu:** Well, Kise, we're just getting started

**Kise:** Oh, you’re so cool, Senpai!


	5. Gay or American

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. 
> 
> Kuroko no basuke and the following songs all belong to their respective owners.
> 
> Please support the official release.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWnDwM0RSX4&list=PL7Ny4et65g6fuqNwbk0gafGWz7ekheXgR&index=1](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWnDwM0RSX4&list=PL7Ny4et65g6fuqNwbk0gafGWz7ekheXgR&index=1)  (Link for the playlist)

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LN_L85b2zQ> (Link for the song)

 

_(Absolute delirium)_

 

**Kise:** There! Right There!

Look at that tan, that tinted skin

Look at the killer shape he's in

But don’t look at his weird eyebrows

Oh please he's gay, totally gay

 

**Midorima:** I think we should extrapolate

Every trait could indicate the totally straight expatriate.

This guy's not gay, I say not gay

 

**All:** That is the elephant on the court

Well, is it relevant to assume

That that man always confused

Is automatically matically fay?

 

**Akashi:** But look at his red and crispy locks

**Kise:** Look at the way he looks at us

**Midorima:** There's the eternal paradox

Look what we're seeing

**Kise:** What are we seeing?

**Midorima:** Is he gay?

**Kise:** Of course he's gay

**Midorima:** Or American?

 

**All:** Ohhhhhh

Gay or American?

It's hard to guarantee

Is he gay or American?

 

**Aomine:** Well, hey don't look at me

 

**Alex:** You see we bring our boys up different

In our charming foreign ports

We don’t just rock sports

 

**All:** In hot tanks tops and baggy shorts

Gay or foreign fella?

The answer could take weeks

They don’t say things like "kouhai"

‘cause they can’t speak japanese

**Kise:** Oh please

 

**All:** Gay or American?

So many shades of gray

**Aomine:** I heard that at every time of the day

The girls go either way

**All:** Is he gay or American?

or-

 

**Takao:** There! Right There!

Look at that condescending smirk

Seen it on every Miracle

That is a Meteor Jam guy

That guy's not gay, I say no way

 

**All:** That is the elephant on the court

Well is it relevant to presume

That a hottie in that uniform

 

**Kise:** Is automatically, radically

**Midorima:** Ironically, chronically

**Alex:** Perfectly, certainly

**Aomine:** Genetically, neatically

 

**All:** Gay!

Officially Gay!

Officially Gay, Gay, Gay, Gay!

_(Kagami smiles to Momoi)_

**All:** Dammit

**All:** Gay or American?

**Midorima:** Not much style but hyped

**All:** Is he gay or American?

**Midorima:** Not that I really care

 

**Alex:** But we bring our boys up different there

It's culturally diverse

Though he’s a fashion curse

 

**All:** When he speaks english or wear necklaces

Gay or just exotic?

I still can't crack the code

 

**Murasakibara:** And his accent is true shit

It’s too hard to understand

 

**All:** Huh

Gay or American?

So many shades of gray

 

**Momoi:** But if he turns out straight

I'm free at 8 on saturday

 

**All:** Is he gay or American?

Gay or American?

Gay or Ame-

 

**Akashi:** Give me a minute

I am going to to crack this guy

I’ll win, I won’t just try

 

**Midorima:** The court is yours

 

**Akashi:** So Mr. Kagami..

This alleged affair with ‘’the ghost’’

Has been going on for...?

**Kagami:** A year...

**Akashi:** And your first name again is...?

**Kagami:** Taiga

**Akashi:** And your boyfriend's name is...?

**Kagami:** Kuroko

 

**Kagami:** I'm sorry! I misunderstood

You said boyfriend

I thought you said best friend

Kuroko is my best friend

 

**Kuroko _(suddenly appearing_ ): **You bastard!

You lying bastard!

That's it

I won’t cover for you anymore!

Players

I have a big announcement

This guy is gay and American!

You really have to stop being

A complete closet case

No matter what he say

I swear he never ever ever plays the other way

You are so gay

You big parfait!

You flaming boy in baskets

 

**Kagami:** I'm straight!

 

**Kuroko:** You were not yesterday

So if I may, I'm proud to say

He's gay!

 

**All:** And American!

**Kuroko:** He's gay!

**All:** And American!

**Kuroko:** He's gay!

**All:** And American and Gay!

**Kagami:** Fine okay I'm gay!

**All:** Hooray!


	6. Akashi VS Kagami

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. 
> 
> Kuroko no basuke and the following songs all belong to their respective owners.
> 
> Please support the official release.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWnDwM0RSX4&list=PL7Ny4et65g6fuqNwbk0gafGWz7ekheXgR&index=1](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWnDwM0RSX4&list=PL7Ny4et65g6fuqNwbk0gafGWz7ekheXgR&index=1)  (Link for the playlist)

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HK-4JEETt88> (Link for the song)

 

_(EPIC RAP BATTLE OF BASKETBALL: AKASHI SEIJURO VS KAGAMI TAIGAAAAA BEGIN!)_

 

**Kagami** : This is it, Red Hair. Me and you. The final battle. The duel that everyone’s been waiting for. I’m not gonna hold back.

**Akashi:** You bet, Baka. I am going to be super special awesome! I can’t wait to see you loose

**Kagami** Well, alright then. Red Hair, it's time to spit some rhymes! (Music in the background)

**Akashi:** Bring it on, Ba— wait, what? (beat; music continues) Oh gods, please tell me you are kidding me...

 

**Kagami:**  Alright Red Hair, check it out, it's Taiga from US,

And sad to say, dawg, you’re the last miracle,

So listen up, here it is, the awesome challenge I suggest,

Who ever spits the best rap outta' you and me will be the best

Duelist in the world, yeah the best of all

You know I got ya beat but homie don’t be lame,

This is serious, you gotta do it, your title says you have to.

If you decline the challenge, by default that means I beat you.

Red Hair I hope you're ready,

Cuz this is gonna be heavy,

And I know you might think it’s unnecessary,

But that’s tough,

Suck it up dawg,

It’s something that you gotta do,

Or you can leave and lose your title, it's up to you.

 

**Akashi:** Oh, you think you're like us huh? Get ready to fall!

(Primeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)

Prime cut ba ch ba ch ca ba ch ch wa ch ch

Get on your knees you peasant dummy what's up (what's up)

I’ve got the Emperor Eye (eye) eye (eye) eye (eye) you’re no tiger

You’re a dog (a dog) a dog (a dog) a pitiful dog.

Bakagami hey?

Okay, your repartee's cliché,

Forget basketball, you should take mock up classes

You wanna duel? Don’t act the fool, or I’ll just tell you "bitch, please".

The only consolation here is you’re not japanese

So throw the damn ball, punk, 'cause it’s time to dunk down

I’m glad it’s one on one because all your friends are clowns.

Can't wait to see your face turn to sheer disgrace,

When I win this duel and take the first place

(overlapping Voices) My name is Akashi Seijuro

(Your plays are really lame)

Each run and gun’s the same, yes they are.

Now get yourself set to be ashamed

By the best of all

(all)

 

**Kagami:** Ha, that was a'ight, but let me lay somethin' fresh on ya.

 

**Akashi:** I know you’re american but...

 

**Kagami:** You’re about to witness me be absolutely flawless,

The best kind you’ll ever see, I’m being honest.

I’m the hardest the most strongest known player

(stops singing) And oh, FYI, Red Hair, (resumes singing)

I’ve been retaking exams for 2 years regardless,

But let me lay you something fresh, dawg, what I’m gonna do.

Im'ma tell you something that’s a hundred per-cent true,

You're not the best of all, homie, no, sorry, not you.

It's your weird psycho friend that’s stuck inside you,

You’re a lazy loser, he does all the work for you,

Then you claim the fame for all the shiz and stuff he do.

_(Akashi changes to the Emperor)_

Whatcha even doing being inside him anyway.

Everyone agrees, dude, that is pretty gay.

**Emperor** : You know something, Taiga? I don’t think you know who you're dealing with. Well allow me to fill you in.

 

**Emperor:** I'm a perfect being

Best of all

My eye’s bright

And my kimino’s pretty bright

And I'm sexy (I'm sexy).

If you choose to defend, I'm gonna condescend

Cuz my Ankle Break Attack will drive you straight to the bench

I got weird eyes I got from Teiko High

Don’t believe me?

Listen carefully to this ditty.

And by the way soon you will plead

And so’s your team

Watch what happens when a lion takes on an idiot dog

 

**Kuroko:** They call me the… phantom player, my shadow will trick your cranium ………umm…… uh……

 

**Akashi:** Impressive Tetsuya...

 

**Kuroko:** I'm thinking…… um…… uhhh…

 

**Emperor:** Ugh, and he wonders why we don’t need a shadow….

 

**Kuroko:** Hang on here, I think I got it.

They call me the phantom player,

Smaller than everyone,

Dark as a magician,

Here I am, sold out all the stadiums.

I'm not a lower class basketball player,

Where did you get that ridiculous con-cep-tion?

_(starts talking normally)_

Did the Aomine-kun tell you that? Fuck Aomine-kun. Seriously.

 

**Emperor:** My cool techniques they don’t make sense,

‘Cause their wiki descriptions are so immense.

And if you duel with me it won't be tense.

Because against golden eye you've no defense.

My skills are so potent I might seem conceited,

In fact all of my opponents could swear that I cheated.

Sure, sometimes Sei and I swap places,

But who cares, so long as our enemies have fear on their faces.

Other duelists diss me,

Say I am so teeny

_(starts talking normally)_

Why? Why? W-w-why, why exactly, why?

There’s nothing wrong with being five foot eight!

Must I remind you I can dunk?

_(starts to rap again)_

Taiga, face it, you're far from the best

I'm sending you straight back to Los Angeles!

Your team’s unbalanced and you have weird eyebrows

Hey, ho.

I'm a perfect being

 

**Reo:** He’s a perfect being...

**Hayama:** He’s perfect being...

**Nebuya:** Who’s the perfect being?

 

**Emperor** : I'm a perfect being…

I'm a perfect being…

I'm a perfect being…

…PERFECT BEING!

 

**Kagami:** My eyebrows are perfectly normal???!

**Akashi:** I assure you they aren’t

**Kagami:** They are!

**Akashi:** They aren’t!

**Kagami:** They are!

**Akashi:** They absolutely aren’t!


End file.
